I have been pondering starting a blog lately and decided to go ahead and do it tonight after hearing such a funny story that I would actually be doing the world a disservice by not sharing it! The story actually belongs to Patrick's younger sister, but it is definitely worth creating a blog over. Forgive me for any discrepancies from the true event, as I was laughing so hard I might have inferred a detail or two in my retelling of the story.
Laura's adventure began as a relatively simple babysitting job. She arrived promptly to the house to meet a hurried mother who quickly handed over the 15-month old and a carseat, saying that there wasn't anything to eat in the house so they'd have to go grab some fast food. So Laura loads up the carseat (she's actually quite experienced with such things, having grown up with younger siblings. If this were me babysitting, we might not have gotten out of the driveway) and heads out for a burger. Upon arriving at Wendy's she realizes that she may see someone she knows, and doesn't really want to give anyone the impression that this is her baby (it is, after all, the South, and people do like to talk!) so she opts for the drive-thru and heads back to the house.
Now, she couldn't have been gone that long - maybe 20 minutes or so. Little did she know, this babysitting job would be made difficult not by the baby, but by the 6-month-old labrador who likes to eat trash. The hurried mother forgot to mention this in her rush out the door. Apparently a very important daily step in this house is to put the kitchen trash on the counter before leaving the dog inside. Laura opens the front door, baby in one arm and lunch in the other, to discover what the dog's favorite snack is. Baby poop. There is poop EVERYWHERE. Several diapers lie shredded across the kitchen and living room, their contents all over the floor. Laura starts to gag (she has a sensitive stomach on a good day!), and tries to find a safe place to put the baby down. She steps awkwardly over mounds of stinky diaper bits and streaks of poop and makes her way towards a back bedroom where she hopes to sequester baby safely from all threats of e. coli. She makes it about four feet before finding the jackpot of the day: the dog's unnaturally huge diarrhea poop in a gigantic mound in the middle of the hallway. Laura is sure she's going to throw up at this point and manages to get the baby in a safe place. She frantically calls her mom screaming and crying (and maybe laughing?) and knows that whatever she's getting paid for this day, it's not enough. After a few hysterical minutes of analyzing the poop situation, she double-bags her hands in WalMart bags and tackles the crap. At one point she just dumps Clorox on the floor, straight from the bottle, and at another point a turd particle dropped on her arm. She definitely screamed when that happened.
It took her nearly an hour, but she cleaned it up. I don't know that I would have had the stomach for that, so my hat is off to Laura. I worked in a kennel in high school and had to deal with a lot of poop there, but we just used hoses. And at least the house had hard floors. I imagine baby poop rubbed into carpet would be pretty unappealing to live in.
We love you Laura!
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